Perspective...

The good thing about my job for me, is often when I need it most it gives me a dose of perspective. It keeps me grounded. The last year of my life has been probably the most difficult ever. As I drove to work on Thursday night, I think I was feeling a bit sorry for myself. I was tired, and didn't want to work another night shift. It is an ordeal getting all the kids in the car, dropping them at my parents everytime I work. Not to mention the inconvenience this is to my parents. I will never be able to repay them for all they've done for me over the last several months. Anyways, it was a good shift for me. It gave me perspective, and helped me to remember to be grateful for all I have. I took care of two women that evening, both difficult situations. The first had lost her baby late in the 2nd trimester. It is always a sombering experience to be part of the delivery of a baby who has past away.

The second lady was really the kicker for me. She had recently been diagnosed with pulmonary hypertension, a severe case, and the liklihood of her living to raise her children isn't great. She delivered her son about 2 and half months early, has a husband who works across the country and 3 small children at home, being cared for by her sister. Talk about more than one person can bear. She had an amazing attitude. She was funny, and I think just doing what she had to, to make it through. I quickly gained appreciation for my own set of challenges, felt grateful for my health, the ability to work, and odds are I'll get to see me children grow up. Sure it's not fun to cry with your little girl cause she's sad that mom and dad don't live together. In fact, it's heartbreaking. All I could do was cry with her, and say sorry. But at least I got to be there with her. The commen denominator between my patients circumstances and mine, was family. She had amzaing support from her family and I have amazing support from mine.
My sister is having a little boy in her neigborhood over 3 mornings a week before school in order to help out a single mom. Someone said she was crazy and I said, "I'm glad your doing it, I need someone to do that for me. " She responded with, "that's why I'm doing it. I'm hoping karma will kick in and someone will help you out." That pretty much sums up my family. They are great and I'm lucky to have them, my kids are lucky to have them, and I'm grateful for the amazing examples I am surrounded by. I guess the point of any challenge in life is to teach us to be more compassionate and less judgemental towards others. So, I'm grateful for my job, and for the impact this patient had on me. It was a great reminder of all of my blessings and came at a time when I needed it.

Tim McGraw Update

So I was at Costco on Saturday with Anna. We moved back to our house on Friday, and we were stocking up on the essentials: flour, sugar, etc.. I ran into an acquaintance who we have a few mutual contacts. She knows my sister, Nicole well and we have a mutual good friend, Stac. She was asking me how I was, she must have recently talked with Stacie because she knew I had moved back to my house. She then proceeds to tell me that she saw me at the Tim McGraw concert. I wanted to die. I spent the better portion of the evening making a fool of myself as we imitated, the clearly intoxicated lady in front of us. As she told me she saw me, I felt this urge to explain, but didn't. I swear, I am always making some sort of a fool of myself. Note to self, never, ever, ever dance in public. Never. I told my friend Laura, who I attended the concert with, about this acquaintance, and she got a good laugh because she saw me. She knows, what an idiot I looked like. It really hadn't occurred to me, someone I knew may see me. I'll remember for future reference.

Tradition

One of my favorite family traditions growing up was always the Christmas tree. My Grandpa Truman would bring us a gynormous tree every year, somewhere in the neighborhood of 18 feet. I know being a Larsen, well it comes from the Truman side, I have a tendency to exaggerate, but this is the gospel truth. Sometimes they were tall and skinny and sometimes they were fat as well as tall. But, they were always huge. My mom hated it. I loved it. I always thought we had the most beautiful tree. Several years ago my mom caved, and bought an artificial tree. I know I was an adult at the time, but I was so disappointed. I know it is silly, I know it is just a tree, but I love tradition, and kinda shy away from change if at all possible. I've held out and every year I still get a real tree. I love the smell, and I love decorating them. I abhor doing the lights, and every year as I put them on I think about how nice it would be to just get a prelit tree, but once it is done I love it! My kids love going to pick one out, and the excitement of getting it up. They like to help, and they know once it is done, we don't touch it. I'm sure this sounds mean, but I have a pretty tree, and pretty ornaments, some of which were a little pricey. So we don't touch it, once it's done.

I guess the reason I like tradition is in some small, way it's how we keep from being forgotten when we're gone. Not that I'm particularly worried about this, but it links generations together and creates a bond. I think about the the things I want my kids to pick up on from me, a few are the things that I can trace back to my own Grandma, and am already seeing develop in my Lexie, in particular. My grandma loved to garden, so does my mom, my sisters, and myself. This is something Lexie likes to do with me, and I notice how she already is aware of flowers, fruit trees, and vegetable gardens. She notices the beauty, and the fruits of my parents labors ( we live with them, several blogs all of their own). The other day she grabbed me because she had to show me something "wonderful". It was a apricot on the tree that was growing. I hope this is something that will continue to develop in my little Lex, and makes me mindful of my grandmother. I love it when Andrew points out the sunset to me, because I can see a little of myself in him when he does this; or when Anna pretends to talk on the phone or take pictures, she is imitating me, both things I do a lot of. I find comfort in seeing that some of the good in me is coming through to my children, not just the bad. You know when you hear yourself in something your kids say and you catch yourself thinking,"ahh that is what I sound like, I need to work on that," cause it's not exactly how you'd like to be remembered. I love hearing about other families traditions, and the ones I'd like to tweak to fit my own family. The other thing that I see in Lexie, that I can trace straight back to Grandma Truman, I was combing her hair. I had the water running as I was making the part. Dipping the comb in then, combing the hair. Occasionally going back to the water. Lexie quickly turned the water off, and said we shouldn't waste water. If this isn't Grandma Truman then I don't know what is. I love tradition, it makes me happy!