I don't know what it is but I'm overcome with a sense of gratitude for all I have in my life. I'm ashamed to admit I sometimes get stuck in the mode of thinking of all I don't have and in the process overlook all I've been blessed with. I am surrounded by wonderful people who inspire me to be better. I have great family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, opportunity, freedom, more wealth than most in this world could even imagine. I have the gospel, Jeremy, adorable children, stable and secure job. I am so blessed and hope to always remember this.

A Cry For Help

Warning this may contain some four letter words. To be frank sometimes motherhood sucks. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't trade it for the world or even the 72 million power ball lottery jackpot, but this morning has been a doozy and I just have to laugh and thought you all might enjoy a laugh too.
A little background. Anna is now at the phase where she will no longer eat baby food, but has no teeth so I cut and mash everything up real small and she gums it down. She is eating real food, so it stand to reason she now has real poop and no longer the less disgusting version known as baby poop. Also with the real food comes feeding herself, taking everything you put in her mouth out to look at it. So meal time is one big fat mess and small headache for me which we have the pleasure of doing 3 times per day. I promise it feels like more. These kids are always 1-2 messes ahead of me.
So it is a regular morning, other than a later start than usual. We have breakfast, and Anna is just covered because of the in and out of mouth routine discussed earlier. Her jammies have oatmeal mashed all over them, and of course I'm not letting her feed herself oatmeal, so I don't know how it is everywhere it just is. So she heads straight to the tub, in which I rinse out the jammies, rinse the tub out and start the bath. Well I think I'll let her play and get Lexie's hair done. So Anna starts to stand up and I put her back down and start back with the hair. We do this a few times, and then the next time, oh oh poop everywhere. "Lexie grab me the wipes," I frantically say, as I grab Anna out make sure there is no poop on her and set her down and head for the cleaning supplies. In the thirty seconds I am gone Anna poops again on the floor and has it all over her little body. So we head to my shower get her cleaned up diapered and in bed so I can now get the other poop mess cleaned up. Jen this is why I love the pine sol. As over powering as the scent may be, I may even have to crack a few windows after cleaning, it is by far better than the disgusting poop smell now all over the bathroom. Plus it helps suppress the gag reflex. Also what is kids fascination with the poop. "Andrew, Lexie, stay out of there. There is poop everywhere. NO don't go in there." Andrew then says,"Is there chocolate chips on it?" sick dog , "No there are no chocolate chips, just poop."

Well the poop is all cleaned up and I'm ready for the next mess. So for a few minutes they make me nuts and I think what a thankless job this is. Then the mess passes, and I realize how lucky I am to have three great darling children, so full of personality and curiosity, and a husband who loves me, puts up with me and is great with our kids. The worse part is the after smells. Do you get these? Like you've washed your hands a hundred times, showered, but you still keep getting wiffs, and searching your person for evidence of the smell. I guess it is like phantom pains, just phantom smells (sorry I just got a wiff.)As my Dad mentioned in my previous post about poop, shit happens!

The MUFF and my DUKES of Hazard Day!

I started thinking of my favorite muff memories, there are many. First the origins of the name. Obviously this had to me a LOUD car in order to pull of such a fabulous name as the Muff! It was very loud. When I would pick Nat up for school I didn't have to honk because she could hear me from her house as soon as I started the car at my house. Natalie lived around the corner and five houses away. One funny thing about this is a neighboring house of Nat's asked that I not honk the horn in the morning as they were in there retirement and sometimes were not up yet. This was hilarious because horn or not this car could wake you from a sound sleep.



Next the great part about the Muffler was it being a stick shift. This is a the car I learned to drive on and anyone who has experienced watching someone learn to drive a stick knows the comedy abounds. I remember one summer night I went to Blockbuster with Heather Nielsen. She wanted to learn to drive a stick so on the way home we had our first lesson. Just thinking of this right now I'm chuckling to myself. So we started in the parking lot and had a few stalls. There was a car of boys behind us getting a kick out of it. After a few tries and the lurch forward and then back, Heather opened the two door car and dove into the backseat. I head fist dive. We were laughing so hard. So I moved over to the drivers seat and wouldn't you know it we were stopped at a red light in the left hand turn lane and the car of boys pulled up beside us. Of course the windows were down as the A/C was not a luxury the Muff had. The guys were laughing an with there hands imitating the action of letting out the clutch while giving it a little gas. Heather did not even look over she was so embarrassed.



The next and possibly the most memorable muff experience was at good old Davis High. School had just let out and Nat and I had to run back into get something so we pulled into the round about outside the office, (which no longer exists). Well the round about was on a bit of a hill and bordered main street. I thought the car was in first gear but it had slipped out. So as I we start to walk in Nat notice the car is rolling into on coming traffic on main street. Once again lucky there was no A/C and the windows were down, this is my one and only Dukes of Hazard moment in my life. I ran full speed dove through the window and pulled the brake just before the car entered main street. Nat and I were in hysterics and it is a great memory. I sort of hope the great and funny moments in our lives are captured on some sort of heaven film, because the bloopers roll for my life will be long and a great ab workout with all the laughter. You know when you laugh so hard your cheeks hurt from smiling and you belly hurts from the hee ha? This is the type of laugh a gag reel of my life could evoke.
And finally yesterday I realized I have another muff. Our Subaru is super loud, at the embarrassing level, the a/c sucks and I often resort to having the windows down as the wind is a better coolant than the a/c. Alas it will probably be good for another 30 or 40 thousand miles, will drive'r till she dies. And I'll have the wind blown look.

The First Day of...

Well yesterday was the first day of school for Davis county. While I am not in school, don't teach school, and have no children in school, I could still feel it in the air. It got me thinking about my memories from the first day of school. I don't remember any particular day but I do remember the feelings I had before starting a new year and the traditions associated with it.
I remember the butterflies in my stomach and feeling a bit sad and nostalgic that summer was coming to an end, and also excited for a new year and all the possibilities it may hold. I remember on Sunday night before the first day of school my dad would give all of the kids a blessing. This is a fond memory I have and look forward to doing this with my own kids. I also remember meeting Natalie at the green thing ( I still don't know what they are some sort of power box?) at Hill's and we would talk; we talked about what we were going to wear, boys I'm sure, what classes we had. For all of my school life Nat and I went to school together. We walked to elementary and junior high and then in High school had the pleasure of driving and riding in the muff ( the muff can be a whole other post).
The things I love about the start of school are the change and more structure in life. Even now the switching from summer too fall indicates, getting the kids to bed earlier, just a little bit more of a schedule. I love the crisp fall air which seems like it is just around the corner. Firsts are great in so many ways. They always signify new uncharted waters, excitement; your first kiss, first time away from home, first time I felt a baby move inside of me. I still remember where I was when I felt those flutters and recognized it was my baby and the thrill it gave me. But there is also a bit of sadness which accompanies them; the first time you deliver a baby, you know you will never be in this exact moment again. These first don't come that often and I remember feeling like I wanted to savor the moment (not as a kid but now as an adult.) The problem for me, is the experience is so surreal at the time. Ask me after the sealing ceremony of a friend and I can remember the advice given. Ask me what the sealer told me right after and I had no idea? I was caught up in the moment. I do remember the feeling. I guess that is the point. The feelings are what lead us to live better lives, not the words spoken, but the feelings evoked. Maybe we are supposed to get caught up in the moment. Maybe we should be caught up in more moments rather than just the ones we recognize before hand as significant? I'm rambling I know. I will never just have one baby and such opportunity for wonderful one on one again, I will never experience the excitement of a first kiss again. Well I had just wanted to write my thoughts on the first day of school and wish all you school kids good luck and have a great year! There are so many exciting firsts left for all of us. I guess that is the pleasure of life, experiencing it!

A few of my favorite things...

Actually more like a sporgus board of my favorite things. I've been wanting to do a photo journal of representations of my life. So I merged the two ideas into this post. It is long and may be boring to you, but it is the things I love, what makes me happy, or what gets me through the day. So I do this as history for myself.

• Sometimes a mountain dew and a candy bar will brighten my day. I love fountain drinks and there are days this is just the pick me up I need.

• This is delicious Ranch dressing. You get it in the refrigerated dressing area. My kids love to dip veggies in this and then I can get them to eat veggies.

• I love the pine-sol clean scent. It also reminds me of the Nielsen house growing up. Natalie and I would help each other do our jobs so we could play quicker. Our Mother's were more than happy to let us have a friend over during chore time because it meant we quickly did our jobs in order to play sooner. This reminds me of cleaning the bathroom sink at the Nielsen's. I love the smell to this day.

• We played this while at Lake Powell and I am now obsessed. I love playing games with Jeremy. I keep losing this one to him, which just makes me want to play more in order to win!

• Love the Baby Magic. I put it on my kids long after the leave the baby stage. I love the smell and when the day comes when I no longer have a reason to buy it will make me sad, as it will indicate the passing of an era. No more babies in the house. As difficult as this stage can be, I love it and have always loved babies for as long as I can remember. I like the tiny babies and it is so fun seeing them at work.

• Lexie is hilarious. She has so many little quirks which make her LEXIE. We got her some new shoes on Monday and she had to sleep with them on. I tried to take them off before I went to bed but she wouldn't have it. In this regard she is just like me, when she gets and idea in her head there is really no use in trying to persuade her other wise. Such determination.
  

• I love this Marigold. I love it because Lexie planted it in nursery and I planted in my yard from on little seed it is now this. That is amazing to me. Each time I walk past it I think of the Primary song Faith is like little Seed.

• I love Fresh Strawberries. I also this particular color of red is beautiful. It makes my mouth water just looking at them.

• My flower garden. As a girl I always wanted to have a cutting garden when I grew up. For some reason I thought it needed to be some enormous garden, and the other night I realized I had my cutting garden and I filled a vase with just the flowers from my yard. They looked great on my table.

• This is a start of a pumpkin. We also have one from the same plant which is already huge and still has several weeks left to grow. It truly does amaze me that from one small seed, the enormous plant which follows. The pumpkin has taken over. Nature really does testify of God for me. It awes me and helps keep me grounded. Sometimes I wonder how one can be surrounded by such beauty and not believe in a higher power.

• He makes me happy. Such beautiful eyes, and what a little poser.

• I got this in a little Dick and Jane set. It makes me laugh every time I see it. I always mop in heals and pearls, don't you?

• Treasures from the wash. You are probably thinking from Andrew's pockets. Nope Lexie's.

• Finally good old tide. I love the smell and we go through lots. There is something strangely satisfying about empty laundry baskets. I also love walking past the vent outside when the dryer is going. Don't you just love it when you walk past a house and you smell the laundry cause the dryer is going? I do.
  
  
  

Benefit of the Doubt

The other day I was at Cherry Hill with my good friend Stacie. We each had two kids with us. We ventured over to the blue slides. We had it all figured out. Stacie went down first with Tommy, then Andrew and Jack would follow, and I would bring up the tail with Lexie. As we are waiting in line we step out several times to reign the kids back in. As Stacie steps down into the water this woman probably around forty with maybe a ten year old girl, scowls at us and says, "Were you planning on waiting in line because the back is right over there." I was sort of stunned, mind you she had a very rude tone. I was kind of like really do you seriously think I'm trying to but in line here? I'm 29 not 12. Stacie who is quicker on her feet than me said, "I guess when you don't have two year olds anymore you forget what it is like," we had just stepped out again to get the kids. I was more than happy to have her go in front as I honestly don't think I was nor was I trying to sneak in front of her.
The whole little interaction reminded me of the importance of giving people the benefit of the doubt. This is something I have learned to be very important, and something I appreciate over the past year. I'm not someone who ever planned nor thought I would have three kids as close in age as I do. Andrew was three and two months when Anna was born and Lexie turned two, three weeks later. I have my hands full most days. So the birth of my third child has been a humbling experience and I have learned so much. I no longer judge the mother at the store who has the wild, bawling, fit throwing children. I feel for her as I have been there. The humiliation is real, as your face burns, and eyes sting as you fight off tears, and for me I can literally feel my blood pressure rise as my head pounds, as those of you who suffer from this type of rage will understand. I have had many people older ladies, whose children have long since grown and gone look at me with kind eyes and say, "it gets easier, enjoy them they will be gone before you know it;" or just the simple "I've been there." How I appreciate these people. I guess my point is, experiencing what I use to mock, has taught me not to judge. I honestly believe most people are doing the best they know how. Everyone's best is different and we are not all on the same plane or level and I'm glad for that, if we were what a dull world it would be. I don't always give people the benefit of the doubt and when I catch myself passing judgement I try to remind myself they probably are doing the best with what they have to work with, and lets face it we weren't all given a full deck of cards if you know what I mean. I see this all the time at work. Anyway, I am grateful for all the kind eyes and genuine, "bless her heart" that I get. Which I get a little more often than I would like. I'd rather be the incredibly pulled together organized women with perfectly behaved children; something to work towards. Enough rambling for today.

Grace

Last week at the grocery store I experienced grace. I had to go to the store with all three of my children. This is something I try very hard not to do as it usually turns into a stressful situation, and I become frazzled, embarrassed and really not the best version of myself. But I was a few ingredients short, for my planned meal, which at our house is also a grace a planned meal that is. When I got into the store we quickly located the cart with the car which has two steering wheels, alright were in business, I thought. Then I went to put Anna in the seat up front and low and behold the carts with the cars and steering wheels do not have a baby seat. Plus the car carts leave little room for groceries, they are not deep enough to set a mobile baby in and so I thought how am I going to do this? I can't carry Anna through the store; so I do the next best thing, Andrew, the four year old is now in charge of holding Anna in the car. Any of you who know much about Andrew can see the disaster written all over this. I think, "Oh maybe if I hurry this will work." I made it to about the lemons, keep in mind we started in produce, and thought this may not work. Right when I was thinking this I ran into my grocery store angel Jill Benson. Now Jill has three small children of her own close to the ages of my kids. So if anyone was going to understand my dilemma it was Jill.
Jill saw me and said, "Where's your baby?" I point to Andrew and she starts laughing. She then offered to take Anna in her cart, and said she would find me when she was finished with her shopping. When I was done with my shopping she helped me through the checkout line and out to my car with the groceries. She even loaded then into the back. Now that is grace. God usually works through people and it doesn't have to be some grand gesture, or heroic cause to be grace. Jill was heroic to me that afternoon, by her small but very meaningful act of kindness. I hope I would do the same thing if the situation were reversed. Or would I be in too big of a hurry, or to self absorbed to notice the needs of someone else? I hope not.
There is a little snippet from a book I'm reading regarding grace which really hit me. The narrator is talking and her sister were discussing tragic circumstances of of a neighbor family where both the mother and daughter were diagnosed with cancer at the same time. The narrator said,"that family needs grace," to which the sister replied, "No, what that family needs is casseroles," She then proceeded to arrange meals which were brought in every night for one year. The narrator said, "My sister doesn't realize that is grace." Call it what you want, grace, tender mercies, but the power I refer to as God, you may call it what you like, was aware of my needs that day, and helped me in the form of an old family friend. God is everywhere, especially the details. Thank you Jill, for your help and your example.