Gladden the Heart

I have been in a blogging slump lately. I think all the hub bub and financial crisis our country is in has had me preoccupied. Because of the Gloom and doom feeling I wanted to write and share what I have been up to which has made me happy, and express gratitude for the blessings in my life.

First piece of great news. I am all caught up on my laundry, this is no small feat. Second Yesterday Lexie and I cleaned my room while Andrew was at school. We did a bang up job, dusting, vacuuming the bathroom mopping, shower, tub, we did it all. I realize I am an adult and my room should be clean, but it always seems to get neglected. I try to clean up the house before bed, but sometimes by the time I get to my room I am out of steam, so I am very pleased with my clean room.

I have been enjoying the fall. I love it. It is a wonderful time of year, with all the color changes, preparing the yard for winter. I love the smell of grapes in the fall. Do you know what I mean? I remember running cross country in high school and there was this one route where we would go past a fence lined with grapes. I can still smell it and it is making my mouth water as I type. I have always loved the fall, and I think I just like the season change. Which is funny because in most other ways, I really do not enjoy change, it is hard for me.

Finally the last thing which has brought me joy as of late is a photography class I have been taking. It has been on Tuesday nights and it has been so much fun and I think I've learned some valuable things at it. So without further babbling I'll show some of the pictures I liked.

With the recent happening in the news I have found a renewed gratitude for the blessings in my life. I am so grateful for my job. Gratitude for my job is something which at times I don't always feel. I have always wanted to stay at home with my kids so sometimes I am less than grateful, which I know is shameful. But with so many people out of work I feel so very blessed to have a job and one that isn't going anywhere. I have been blessed with great opportunities as a nurse and have had the opportunity to work in many different areas. As a nurse I am very marketable and am grateful for this and grateful to my parents for encouraging me to get an education and one which I could use if need be. I am also so very grateful for my family, extended and immediate. I love my children more than anything and receive great joy from them and the funny things they do. I cannot nor do I want to imagine my life without them. They can be trying and taxing at times, but they truly are my greatest joy and blessing. I'm grateful for Jeremy. There are so many ways in which he is a great example to me. He is a hard worker and great dad. I love him and love that he is able to put me at ease when I'm anxious or worried about things. He always seems to know things will work out and be okay, and he is usually right. I'm grateful for parents, siblings, and in-laws who keep me grounded. I love that my sisters are my best friends and am so happy for there example and influence in my life. Lastly I'm grateful for good neighbors. We live in a wonderful neighborhood full of sounds of childhood. I couldn't ask for a better place to raise my kids. So with all the gloom and doom I want to think of what gladdens my heart and all my blessings and the day feels a little brighter!

Benefit of the Doubt

The other day I was at Cherry Hill with my good friend Stacie. We each had two kids with us. We ventured over to the blue slides. We had it all figured out. Stacie went down first with Tommy, then Andrew and Jack would follow, and I would bring up the tail with Lexie. As we are waiting in line we step out several times to reign the kids back in. As Stacie steps down into the water this woman probably around forty with maybe a ten year old girl, scowls at us and says, "Were you planning on waiting in line because the back is right over there." I was sort of stunned, mind you she had a very rude tone. I was kind of like really do you seriously think I'm trying to but in line here? I'm 29 not 12. Stacie who is quicker on her feet than me said, "I guess when you don't have two year olds anymore you forget what it is like," we had just stepped out again to get the kids. I was more than happy to have her go in front as I honestly don't think I was nor was I trying to sneak in front of her.
The whole little interaction reminded me of the importance of giving people the benefit of the doubt. This is something I have learned to be very important, and something I appreciate over the past year. I'm not someone who ever planned nor thought I would have three kids as close in age as I do. Andrew was three and two months when Anna was born and Lexie turned two, three weeks later. I have my hands full most days. So the birth of my third child has been a humbling experience and I have learned so much. I no longer judge the mother at the store who has the wild, bawling, fit throwing children. I feel for her as I have been there. The humiliation is real, as your face burns, and eyes sting as you fight off tears, and for me I can literally feel my blood pressure rise as my head pounds, as those of you who suffer from this type of rage will understand. I have had many people older ladies, whose children have long since grown and gone look at me with kind eyes and say, "it gets easier, enjoy them they will be gone before you know it;" or just the simple "I've been there." How I appreciate these people. I guess my point is, experiencing what I use to mock, has taught me not to judge. I honestly believe most people are doing the best they know how. Everyone's best is different and we are not all on the same plane or level and I'm glad for that, if we were what a dull world it would be. I don't always give people the benefit of the doubt and when I catch myself passing judgement I try to remind myself they probably are doing the best with what they have to work with, and lets face it we weren't all given a full deck of cards if you know what I mean. I see this all the time at work. Anyway, I am grateful for all the kind eyes and genuine, "bless her heart" that I get. Which I get a little more often than I would like. I'd rather be the incredibly pulled together organized women with perfectly behaved children; something to work towards. Enough rambling for today.

Conference

I thought conference was excellent. I especially loved Elder Ballard's talk, Elder Bednar, and when President Monson closed the conference. I felt like things were very good and uplifting and have inspired me to try and be better. I'm going to try to notice the moments in life that are so precious and fleeting, which Elder Ballard referred to. You know when you just feel like right now in this instant everything is perfect, when you wouldn't change anything and you're not worried about anything. I remember feeling this way last summer when we would do the yard work in the evening. We were all together, getting along, playing, working, and having fun as a family. The day we went to the hospital to have Anna we had one of these "moments". I had worked an 8 hour shift, when I got home it was a nice afternoon, so we had chocolate ice cream in camping chairs on the driveway, Andrew and Lexie were covered in chocolate. Jeremy went in to get them in the tub and I was coming in behind them and that is the instant my water broke. I remember it as my last memory as our family of four together. I'm so glad I have this memory and it is one of those moments where everything was perfect. When I have these moments I try to make them last, but they are brief and then life continues on. The trick is in being present, and recognizing them when they come. Like when you lay by one of your kids and they just lay there and hold still and are truly with you, and you with them, and you are just feeling one another breath. Or when you feel like you husband really gets you, these moments are definitely fleeting. I'm kidding but I'm sure you know what I meant, in the hub-bub of life, schedules, activities, work, bills, church sometimes these precious moments are not noticed or get lost in all the action.
I'm also working on praying in the manner that President Bednar spoke of. Active prayers, and not just going through the motions. I thought of how important this is especially in teaching our children how to pray. So I'm going to make an active effort in saying meaningful prayers and teaching my children to do the same.
It was great to hear all the talks and I look forward to May's Ensign. I've always loved conference, even as a kid. So just thought I would share my thoughts. Hope you all enjoyed it as well.

Smells That Transport...

I’m sure you are reading this title saying to yourself, “Huh?” But, I’m sure you know what I mean, let me explain. The other day I was in Wal-mart and I smelled this particular brand of baby lotion I used with Andrew and I was pregnant with Lexie. I was instantly feeling a bit nauseous and queasy, as if I was pregnant again, which let me assure you I am not. So, smells do transport.
Lately as I have been longing for warmer weather and it certain to reach us before I know it, I’ve been thinking of smells of spring and summer and can hardly wait. I think of the smell of rain, swimming pools, sunscreen, summer barbeques, vine ripened tomatoes. Doesn’t just thinking about these things remind you of particular memories and experiences in life? Like the smell of Tommy Hilfiger Cologne reminds me of my boyfriend my sophomore year in college
I remember one day when I was maybe eleven or twelve, it was a summer rain. It was a downpour for a few short minutes; which is rare for Utah summers. My best friend growing up, Natalie, and I decided we wanted to wash our hair in the rain. So we did. We really weren’t able to get a good rinse but it is a fond memory I have, and the smell of summer rain takes me right to it.
Close your eyes with me for a minute and think of the smell of fresh cut grass; can’t you just feel a warm breeze on your face, the sound of kids playing outside, lawnmowers going. I can feel my hands digging in the warm earth, and just feeling at peace with life. All this comes just from thinking of the smell of fresh cut grass; and so I stand by my title, smells do transport. I am thinking of smells of summer, and willing the warmer weather to arrive soon!