I have some free time on my hands this week. Well as much free time one can have after you finish a 10 hour day at work. But still, my evenings have been quiet and lonely this week. My Matty is fishing, cause he is a giant playboy, and my babies have spent the week with there dad and grandparents. I've been fiercely lonesome, but I've got some reading in and tonight I went to the Move The Help. If you haven't read this book, do it is on my top 5 all time favorites and I loved the move just as much. The book I have been trying to complete for the last several weeks was Gone With the Wind. Happy to report I finally finished last night. This is actually my 2nd time through this book, and if you know how long it is, that will tell you it is also one of my favorites otherwise why read it twice. It is a story of survival and gumption which is why I love it. I bawled when the Yankee women made Uncle Peter cry, and when Melly died. I don't often cry in books. It is funny that I have surrounded myself with so much of the South this week, but it got me thinking.
What makes people be so cruel to one another? As I was finishing Gone with the Wind last night, I quit when I had like 25 pages left. I couldn't stand how mean Scarlett and Rhett were to one another, cause they loved each other. I think maybe on some level this struck a cord with me, because I got divorced. What makes people who love or are suppose to love one another do such hurtful things or treat one another with such indifference? Those wounds run deep and sadly, sometimes aren't repairable. I fell asleep quickly, to wake to a welcomed phone call from Matt. After I finished talking with him I couldn't go back to sleep due to Gone With the Wind on the brain, so I had to finish it. It's still a favorite.
Whenever I watch a movie about racial issues in our country it hits a cord with me. The Help particularly touches me as it is set in Jackson, Mississippi. My baby was born in Jackson, and sometimes I can't help but wonder the kind of life he may have had if he'd grown up there. Certainly vastly different that what he has. I know the South is much better now, than during the 50's and 60's, but I also know that old prejudices run deep in this area of the country. I hate thinking of the idea of someone saying hurtful things to my boy just cause he has a different color of skin than them. I'm also, not so naive as to think, just cause we are in Utah he will be immune to this. I know at some point in his life, he will deal with this. I just hope I've done well in teaching him, as Adelaide to baby girl in The Help, "I's kind, I's smart, I's important." I think this may be one of the sweetest parts of the movie. Seeing the hired help, care and love the children who's care they were charged with. It is amazing to me that you could think, someone can't use your bathroom because they are of a differnt race and might pass some disease to you, but they are OK to raise your children. To hold them, and kiss them. Comfort, reassure, teach and ultimately raise, but nope use your own bathroom. If there isn't something faulty in that logic, then I'll be damned.
The other thinkg I wonder about when it comes to racial issues, is does it bother the African American community that I, a white women, am raising a black child? I guess ultimately I don't care, but every now and then I wonder. I also know there would be plenty of people who are fine with it, and then some who would take offense. But what is really important is that I love the big brown eyed boy something fierce. He's sweet, curious, a charmer, BUSY, funny and most of all my boy. Once someone asked me if I loved him less than my biological children. I don't remember who asked me this, but I kinda thought IDIOT. I know that's not nice, but all I can say is Andrew is mine just the same as if I gave birth to him. As long as I can teach him: he's kind, he's smart, he's important then well, I'll feel like it will be a job well done. Cause what we believe of ourselves very often becomes our reality.
I'm so happy that my Matty returns tomorrow and my babies Sunday morning. I've missed them all so very much!